


Fuck, Duck, Goose!

by onyxjay



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders-centric, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25539547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onyxjay/pseuds/onyxjay
Summary: All the sides minus Remus: Note to self: never play Duck, Duck, Goose ever again
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	Fuck, Duck, Goose!

_In the jungle, the mighty jungle_

_The lions fuck tonight_

_In the jungle, the quiet jungle_

_The lions fuck tonight_

“Why must you ruin a perfectly good song?” Janus finally asked.

“Ruin?” Remus gave Janus an indignant look. “I’m making it so much better! Right, Virge?”

Virgil raised an eyebrow at him. “Sure.”

“See? He gets it.”

Janus sighed loudly.

“Maybe we should all do something else,” Patton suggested from where he lay with his head in Roman’s lap.

“Any idea?” Logan asked.

“A game!” Remus said.

“What kind of game?” Roman asked nervously.

“It better not involve those throwing stars of yours again,” Janus added. Logan, who was very familiar with the throwing stars, nodded in agreement.

(No, they didn’t hurt, but that didn’t mean Logan liked having one lodged in his forehead.)

“It doesn’t,” Remus said.

Patton made a face.

“Honestly!” Remus insisted.

“Okay…” Virgil decided to risk it. “What is this game?”

“Duck, Duck, Goose!” Remus answered.

“That sounds… so much like you,” Janus said slowly.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Remus clapped his hands together. “So? What do you say?”

The other five sides exchanged looks.

“Why not?” Patton said with a shrug.

Remus clapped his hands again happily. “Yes!”

Everyone sat down in a circle.

“Who wants to start it off?” Patton asked. “Virgil, how about you?”

“Too much pressure,” Virgil muttered, hunching in on himself.

“Okay, I’ll start,” Patton said cheerfully. He stood up and began going around the circle. “Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck…”

“Any moment now,” Logan said after Patton passed him for a third time.

“He’s just using this as an excuse to touch our hair,” Janus pointed out. He had taken his hat off when it became clear Patton was not going to move on until he did.

“You all use different conditioners! How can I not want to touch your hair?” Patton defended himself. “Okay, fine. Duck, duck, duck, goose!”

Roman sprang up and chased after the moral side. He had almost caught up when he slipped and fell flat on his face.

"Aw, man. Now I don’t have an excuse to touch your hair,” Patton said, pouting.

“You can touch mine,” Remus offered, eagerly leaning over.

Patton beamed and clapped his hand down on Remus’ head, not seeming to mind the bits of dried ketchup in his hair.

Roman had stood back up with as much dignity as he could muster and started up the game again. “Duck, duck, duck, duck, goose!”

Virgil groaned loudly but stood and raced after Roman. He was a lot faster than any of the sides anticipated, so it was a surprised Roman that went for a second turn.

This time, he chose Janus by snatching his hat. Janus hissed and scrambled to his feet, grumbling when Roman reclaimed his seat.

"Will you give me my hat back?” Janus grouched.

“What’s the magic word?”

Janus didn’t say anything, just swiped it back and put it back on his head.

“Aw, don’t look so grumpy,” Roman said. “Come here.” He pulled Janus down and kissed his cheek. “All better?”

Janus blinked a few times, the human side of his face going slightly pink. Then he proceeded on with the game as if he wasn’t affected. “Duck, duck, duck, goose.”

He made the mistake of choosing Remus, who ended up chasing him all over the room before he made it back to the circle.

Remus rubbed his hands gleefully. “Duck, duck, duck, suck, cluck —”

“What the —?” Virgil muttered.

“— fuck, duck —”

He suddenly whipped out his mace and swung it downward over Logan’s head.

“GOOSE!!”

Logan fell flat on his face.

“You killed him!” Patton shrieked.

Remus cackled madly. “I win!”

Janus rubbed his eyes, more weary than worried. “This isn’t a winning or losing game, Remus.”

“Which makes it more epic because I WON!!”

“Falsehood.”

All the sides whipped around to see Logan standing up, looking for all the world like he had not just been knocked out, albeit temporarily.

He walked right up to Remus and looked directly into his eyes. “This may not be a winning game,” he said, “but if it were, I think I most certainly won.”

He took a step back and adjusted his tie. "That was entertaining, but now I must get back to work.”

With that, Logan headed back to his room.

Remus blinked owlishly. “Well. This was fun. Let’s go again!”

None of the remaining sides had ever moved so fast.

Alone now, Remus pouted for a moment before shrugging and going back to singing.

_In the jungle, the mighty jungle_

_The lions fuck tonight_

_In the jungle the quiet jungle_

_The lions fuck tonight_


End file.
